It’s that time of the month again. No… not THAT time. Story time!
I swear for as long as I live in Bournemouth I’m not going to stop talking about tramps. As if my sympathy for them wasn’t low enough already this just takes it down to a 0.
So to give you some back story, in Bournemouth there’s an underpass where a lot of the local homeless people like to hang out. They’re actually quite friendly and walking down there is no problem at all. Just as well have to go under there quite a lot mainly to get to ASDA or the train/coach station.
ANYWHOOOOO… I had just packed my bags and was ready to head to the coach station as I was heading back home to London for the weekend. I was comfortably walking down the street without a care in the world as I approached the underpass. So as I was walking I saw a tramp. I only saw his head because my view was obscured by some bushes but you can just tell he was financially unstable. So I carry on walking and my view became less and less impeded and the lower half of his body was visible. As I was still pretty far I had no idea what I was looking at… but then he squat-ted. And I was thinking “Oh I didn’t know tramps were into Zumba, good on him”. But oh no, he wasn’t into zumba at all. Turns out his trousers were halfway down his legs and he was having a nice… poo. If that wasn’t bad enough his bum crack was as red as the devil himself. Why was his bum crack so red. So as you can imagine, I paused in my tracks trying to fathom what it is my eyes are witnessing. And then the icing on the cake. He produces toilet roll and wipes his arse. He had obviously planned this. There’s an ASDA right there man. Just, why?
Not wanting to go anywhere near this human being I chose to dodge the traffic on the main road and hopefully forget the last minute of life. I then prayed to comfort myself and proceeded to the coach station safe in the knowledge I would never have to experience that again, RIGHT, RIGHT… WRONG!
Just got back from London, it’s like 12am, I’m tired and just want to sleep. I think this is the time to mention that this over pass has 4 entrances, so obviously I’m at a different entrance than I was before, AND THE SAME GUY WITH HIS RED ARSE CRACK IS IN THE SAME POSITION DOING THE SAME THING. Is this guy following me? Am I being pranked. This time I didn’t wait for the toilet roll to come out and just took the high road. And since then I have never taken that underpass.
Moral of this story is… if you decide to have a poo in public, don’t.