Quantifiable Love and Toilet Paper

Have you used Aloe Vera toilet paper before… my word!

So a lot of you are probably thinking, why is this guy talking about love how cringey of him and the rest of you are think why the f*ck did he start the post talking about aloe vera toilet paper. Well my friends I plan on answering both of them… well I’m going to try whether I do remains to be seen.

So quantifiable love, is “quantifiable” even a word? I’m, pretty sure it is. Yes it is. Anyway yeah so this is basically “love” that is measured. So when someone says I love you “this” much they’ve just quantified their love for you. Even if they say I love you “millions” still quantified. Now the question I ask is “Is quantifiable love, love at all”. is it possible to love something a little bit? I mean there are different types of “love” out there but if you’re able to say how much you love something do you even love it? A bunch of you guys are probably saying yes and I’d agree, to a certain extent. It’s just that love is an abstract concept for someone to get their head around. There are a number of different definitions and the word means something different to everyone on the planet. So how can we quantify something that we barely understand. Is not just telling someone you love them enough? I mean you know what it means, they know what it means no need to further complicate things. You may think I’m reading to far into this and if someone wants to say they love someone to “the moon and back” then there’s nothing wrong with that. Well obviously not but actually if you’re saying that to someone you actually love them way more than you are saying. You think that the measurement expresses how much you love them when in fact all it does is limit it.

Actually, you know what typing this out just makes me question where my head is at. All I’m trying to say is that love is love let’s just let it be, right? Just like my love for Aloe Vera toilet paper. Now I don’t know if I came late to the party but that stuff is pretty fantastic. So there I was in Lidl wanting to be a bit more adventurous with what I wipe my arse with. Initially I was going to go for the generic sandpaper that they sell you for 50p but I thought you know what I’m better than that and my arse deserves way better. So then I saw the aloe paper. It was cheap, but not too cheap, so I thought okay let me try that. so there’s me rushing home anxious to test out my new purchase and when I open the plastic the most beautiful smell caresses my nostrils. I swear the smell of that paper just fills the room. Now I was well aware that I didn’t buy it for the smell but just imagine how beautiful my bum is going to smell. I might just wipe my whole body with the stuff. I’m joking. So if you take away anything from this post take away this “Love your hoe with some aloe”.*

*In this context “hoe” means “bum” I just couldn’t think of a word that rhymes with aloe and had anything to do with the derriére. The word “hoe” does not actually mean “bum”.

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