WTF Do Girls do in the Loo?

Girls look good..but they’re so gross.

I want to tell you a story. So as a lot of you know, but if you don’t, I work in a club. And I can honestly say I love my job. Except… EXCEPT for times like these…

So it was a casual Friday or Saturday night. There I was minding my own business as the tunes were popping outside. But the serenity was cut short when my manager walks in and says, “the boys toilet is blocked can you unblock it?”. Me being the obedient guy I am obliged and proceeded to kit myself up.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “I thought he was going to talk about girls so why is he talking about the guys toilet”. Well if you stopped jumping to conclusions you’ll see where the story is heading.

ANYWHOOOO… so I made my way through sweaty armpits and awful dancing to the guys toilet followed by my backup. I peaked round the corner and slowly pryed the door open when to my horror the toilet was an unimaginable mess. Like I know its a toilet, but you do your business and leave, how did this happen? I was met with a cauldron of a brown half liquid half solid substance that was beginning to burst the banks of the bowl. If someone didn’t get in there quick then it was literally doomsday. So me armed with a plunger held my breath and entered the dark depths of the stall. I plunged harder than I ever plunged before, as if my life depended on it. And to my surprise it actually unblocked pretty quickly and easy. I would have happily eat my dinner out of it… LOL.

So I marched out the bathroom happy with my work when a girl comes out the girls bathroom (this is what you’ve been waiting for) and tells us that the toilet in there is also blocked. So I’m there thinking surely it can’t be as bad as the guys one. But how wrong I was. First of all she made it seem like it was a simple job, just ONE blocked toilet. But oh no every single toilet in that damn bathroom was blocked. And it wasn’t a normal blockage where the water was rising, every toilet was filled with toilet paper. LIKE WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE? Surely when you throw paper into the toilet you flush it. So how have you managed to do this. It was at this point that my plunger was rendered useless. I had to get down and dirty. Lie with the dogs or cats as it were. None of my “squad” were up to the task but you know me I never back down from a challenge. So i had to put my hand in the toilet and fish out all the paper in their which might I add had all sorts on them. YES ALL SORTS. AND HAVING SAID ALL THIS THERE IS A BIN RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET WHICH I IMAGINE IS THERE TO PREVENT SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.

I think I successfully unblocked two but after that I was too traumatised and just had to get out of there. And it was from that moment on that I looked at girls in a completely different light. I thought it was guys that were the pigs and the disgusting ones. How can people who look so nice cause something so monstrously gross. You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves. I need some sort of compensation I swear. I will never forget that day.

And just to top things off, I thought that was the only time I’d have to deal with such a travesty. How wrong I was. Apparently its some girls goal to completely eff up the toilet of the club they go to. Why man? Please, I beg, let this not be a recurring thing. I’ve seen enough liquefied faeces and mysterious brown and red toilet paper to last me a lifetime.

Please, not just girls, everyone just flush the toilet when you’re done, because there is no logical reason for why any of these monstrosities occurred or is there because if so I’d like to know!

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