Fake Estate


Who wakes up and says I want to sell houses for a living?


Have you ever been house hunting? If you’ve been to uni you probably have unless your uni accommodates 2nd and 3rd years. Anyway that’s not the point. The point of this post is how much of a circus getting a new place is.

Talk about pushy… you make one little enquiry online and the next thing you know you’re being bombarded by calls from John wanting to know everything about your life. Like I understand why they do it but on the other hand it’s like they don’t trust us. Believe me I wouldn’t be looking at places I couldn’t afford. Having said this though it might say 500 a month but once you add bills, council tax and the repossession of your soul you’re looking at close to 700 a month.

But that’s not even half of it. You’re already starting the process of handing over your life before you’ve even seen the damn place. And when you get to this 2 bed flat you realise its actually a 1.5 bed. Honestly some of these rooms they’re passing as “bedrooms”, once you put the bed in there’s not much room for anything else. And the estate agent is standing there spouting all this trash about how it’s a “good size”.

Now let me speak about female estate agents. Don’t take anything I say here the wrong way but every single female estate agent I’ve met have been decent looking. Tight skirt, high heels… now lets not lie, some people will take a house because of some flirtatious behaviour from a pretty estate agent. But me… nah. I don’t care if Beyonce is trying to sell me a house if it doesn’t meet my needs I ain’t taking it. But a lot of these estate agents are good at their job, tbh most of the females were better than the males and actually sold the property.

So now you’ve decided on a place you think life is dandy and you can move into your new bachelor pad. Er… no. There’s paperwork and agency fees. And some of these agency fees are bloody ridiculous. What are we actually paying for exactly? I swear no one knows. But then I see estate agents driving these nice cars and in their sleek suits and I think… “oh yeah”.

Let’s not forget that selling houses is a job. The estate agent doesn’t care about you and your needs. The only thing they care about is making that quick sell. They’ll happily sell you a sewer calling it a basement with “character”.

I think I’ll just inherit my house from me old ma and pa…

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