And when I say “back to sobriety” I don’t mean I’ve been off on a 3 month bender.
Hi demons, it’s me, ya boi. Did you realise I was gone? No? Yes? Oooohhh who knows but yes I am back live on your computer screen or laptop screen, or phone screen… whichever technological medium you decide to use.
Surprise surprise I was gone for the summer again and I don’t think I need to delve into how the summer was because I’m pretty sure you all can guess, although I will say that this was perhaps the most emotionally draining summer I’ve ever had. If you wanna know more then feel free to ask. I think I’m gonna focus more on what it’s like to be back and what life has to offer me. I swear September always seems like the beginning of a new era. I guess the school year got us into that mindset. But my Septembers are either spent looking forward, looking back or not knowing what the hell I am doing and I think September 2017 falls into the latter category. What the hell AM I doing? I will tell you.
Not much to be honest with you. That’s what happens when you go to work in America against your professional judgement. But if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s that you should do what you love as much as you can and for as long as you can. If you’re doing something you don’t enjoy then honestly what is the point? You can’t put a price on your own happiness, or someone else’s. Never will I find myself in a position dreading to go to work every day or seeing my time spent doing the same monotonous tasks. What kind of life is that?
So yeah I’m here. Back in London, back at home with the fam and things are just a bit meh at the moment. I said when I got back I would take some time just to chill, but chilling day after day and seeing other people getting jobs, getting married and having babies can get real depressing real quick. I’m all for taking it easy but I still want to have some use in the world. And that has led me here, writing this blog post… trying to find my purpose. Because this is it at the moment. The only thing I can find some sort of worth in. Why don’t you get a job you say. Believe me I’m trying because that’s what society, and my parents, say I should do, Now I’m not an idiot, I understand money is important to have and I will eventually get a job but I’m liking not being told what to do by “the man”.
Being away for so long, fending for myself, seeing another country has just opened my eyes to what I should really be doing with myself. Do I even want to be here anymore, do I even want to go down the path I chose for myself when I was 16? I just don’t know and I am having some trouble figuring it out. Because life is monotonous and repetitive, we work basically to live and survive. That’s the main purpose. Yeah sure a lot of you love your jobs but it doesn’t change the fact that the pay cheque you receive every month is of the upmost importance. So I’m at a bit of a crossroads at the moment. I think this post is the perfect manifestation of where my head is at at the moment. One complete mess.
Well be sure that I’m going to keep you guys updated on everything to come what kind of world would it be if I didn’t update everyone on what colour underwear I decide to wear tomorrow… probably black though.