The unofficial sequel to “Why I Don’t Have a Girlfriend”
Now I in no way want this post to sound whiny or self-pitying. I just want to make it clear that obviously I do have friends. The point of this post is trying to explain why I so often lose friends or drift apart from them. Maybe you can relate.
Right through my life it’s safe to say that I’ve had many friends. I mean I’m 24 now so I am bound to have had a whole collection of acquaintances. But there have been far too many occasions where someone who I would call my best friend just doesn’t speak to me anymore. And I can guarantee you that 99% of the time it comes from their end. If you are a good friend to me at any point in my life, that friendship means something to me so I’m not going to let it go just like that. I love people, I love communication, I love just getting to know the people I am close to. And yes I get it there are some times where you just drift apart from someone. Maybe they move away or they just become unavailable for whatever reason. And that is okay, people drift apart. And normally that is a mutual thing, you both accept that and it just happens. And most of the time you feel as though maybe some time down the line you can reach out to these people and potentially have a catch up. But this isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about those situations where you are literally talking to someone every single day, or near enough, and then suddenly this person just doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Now I don’t know if it’s just me but it’s happened too many times. I can probably name 6 separate occasions when this has happened.
If you’ve been following this blog since it’s humble beginnings then you know about a certain situation I had to deal with a few years back. The first time I ever experienced a total shutdown. Someone I considered my best friend literally blocked me on every social media platform and still to this day I have no idea why. To read the blog post click here I won’t bore you with the details right now. But this was when I felt the full extent of a “friend” completely ditching me and it was also the first time. So ever since then I’ve become a bit more used to the whole situation. There is no doubt on this earth that I love all my friends. I will go above and beyond for them. And I’m not even just talking about best friends. I’m just talking about people that I talk to and are just friends. I’m what we call an empath and I just love interacting with people from all walks of life. So it is a bit frustrating when people just come and go and you have no idea why. I will say though having said all this I have no ill will towards any of these people…. hmmm actually maybe one. Definitely one. One of these people I have a lot of strong words for. But thats a story for another time. I always think that people have their reasons and no one on this Earth owes me anything… except for the tax man. It is completely up to you if you want to talk to me or not and yeah sure it will be nice to have a reason but if you want to completely terminate the friendship then that’s your prerogative.
Like I said I love to talk, and I understand not everyone is like that. People will duck in and out of conversations I’m someone who can continue a conversation on for literally years. If I like speaking to you then I have no reason to end the conversation, that’s just stupid. And all of these people I am talking about, this was the nature of our relationship. We would talk constantly so it was pretty easy to realise when something was going wrong. And its the worst feeling knowing something is up but not knowing how to fix it. I don’t just have extended conversations with anyone. But I in no way trap people into talking to me… I’m just a good conversater. Every single day I look back and wish I was still friends with a myriad of people. And I know what you’re saying. Why don’t you try reaching out. Believe me I have but it’s pretty easy to realise if someone wants to speak to you or not. Most of the time we will have a very fake conversation and once that ends I just won’t hear from them again. And I don’t want to start the conversation again, the fact that I reached out initially shows that I am still interested in being friends. And also sometimes I will clearly state my intentions but I get no real answers as to why people want to terminate a friendship. I do not know. Someone please tell me what I’m doing wrong or if they have experienced similar things.
Some of these people I may have had arguments with. But I have a very strict code I live by. If I EVER have an argument with a friend I will ALWAYS get over it. No matter what it is. I believe that all these years of friendship is worth it over one argument. If its a continued thing then that may be slightly different but overall my friendship with that person is what means the most to me. Everything I do will always be an attempt to rectify the situation, not cause more agg. If any of these people were to reach out to me it would honestly make my life and I would be happy to start a friendship again. But not everyone thinks like me and that is totally okay. If you feel as though not being friends with me is something you need then that is okay but I am always here and always willing. You can never really have too many friends right?
So when I think about my friends today… it’s a fine list. But it could be longer and I’m getting to that age where you just don’t see your friends as much as you used to and its incredibly hard to build new relationships. Where was I even going with this post? It’s all been one big washing machine of emotions pouring out at once. But now… I don’t want to chase people. To every person I speak to, I make it clear if I like you and want this to be a meaningful relationship. If you ain’t into it then just say. I don’t want to waste my time reaching out to you or wondering whether I should message you or when you’re going to message me. It is SUCH a nice feeling when someone who you’re friends with who you haven’t spoken to in a while just reaches out and says “hey”. But I feel like I’m always being this person which makes me think there is a reason why people don’t want to reach out to me.
To avoid getting a bit too sorrowful though I’m going to stop. I hope I was able to articulate what I’m feeling and hopefully someone reading this can relate. This post was by no means an attack on anyone, in fact it’s the complete opposite. I still love you. But to that one person who I have negative feelings towards. You know who you are… let’s talk some time though… because as you know, I am INCREDIBLY understanding.