I’m toxic

The eleventh Doctor said it best when he claimed “We all change, when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s OK, that’s good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.”

And that’s the topic of this blog post. The constant struggle of always trying to better ourselves and escape our past. In a society where you can be vilified for a tweet written 10 years ago makes this an ever more impossible task.

I’m under no illusion that i’m without my own questionable history. Just looking at my “On this day” on Facebook is enough to make me cringe and this is probably the clearest representation I have of personal growth. But of course I’m not exactly old, everyday I’m learning and it’s a given that I am a wiser person than the 15 year old me. You don’t really realise the impact your surroundings and experiences have on you. Because it’s not really something we think of consciously. Sure, we may strive to better ourselves and figure out plans and strategies of how to do this but for the most part our views and attitudes are constantly being moulded and there’s not much we can really do about it.

When you think of how big the world is, the infinitely complex combination of experiences people have gone through, it’s no wonder why you will meet many people who you don’t get along with or have bad relationships with. And this word “toxic” gets thrown around a lot lately. I do believe toxicity exists, in many forms, but I don’t necessarily believe in the connotations of the word. I can pretty much guarantee that there are numerous people on this earth that would describe me as toxic. Granted, there are also numerous who wouldn’t. But if your best friend describes someone as toxic then you’re automatically thinking they’re the worst person to ever walk the Earth, but this is not true. I don’t like to think I go out intentionally to hurt people, but this doesn’t change the fact that I have. Because of this it can make you feel like bad person, but if you thought like this after any instance of hurting or offending someone then you’d have pretty low self esteem.

If you drink a bottle of bleach, that’s toxic. But if you use it to clean a toilet, suddenly it isn’t. We are victims to perspective and situations we put ourselves in. But what is toxic to one person isn’t necessarily toxic to another. I would say that the majority of people don’t intend to be toxic, but there is a deeper rooted reason for why they’re acting the way they’re acting. And this is by no means me saying we should give people the benefit of the doubt if we feel as though they are toxic to us. Normally the best way to deal with a toxic relationship is to get out of it. But I think it’s important to get a wider perspective of the situation. For some reason who you are and who they are just don’t really mesh. Opinions clash, disagreements happen and then suddenly we are perceived to be a player in a toxic relationship. This is why I try not to hold grudges. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, something they believe is right. We can’t control or change that, we of course will have a different perspective but it is not our job to impose this on others. It’s vital that we listen, understand each others position and just move on.

I am not saying that there are no bad and abusive people out there. There are. But I don’t believe they’re as common as people think. We are all just so focused on sitting on our pedestal and unwilling to accept the fact that there are people out there who see the world completely different to us. We’re all on our own personal journeys. You don’t know where people have been or where they’re going so don’t stand in their way. Choose kindness, every single time.